Check out my article and interview with Spanish director Marçal Forés on his debut film, ANIMALS (2012) for SPECTACULAR OPTICAL.

Dear Hollywood Blockbuster Machine (Warning: a bit of profanity ahead):

Two nights ago, I suffered through the third of your summer “tentpole” or “tentpole-hopeful” movies. And I have come to realize that, while there is something wonderful about this sheer spectacle that you parade in front of me each summer—with its aesthetic of fragmented close-ups that fire images at audiences from point-blank at the pace of an AK-47 (very U.S.A.)—I actually go to most of your event movies because they either feature a promising concept, or tap into my sense of nostalgia or appreciation for characters (a.k.a., properties) that I grew up with.

OBLIVION: So pretty, so stupid.

Well, I’m starting to learn my lesson … way too late, perhaps. This devotional blockbuster viewership of mine must end. Here are my three mistakes of 2013, plus a bonus.

The Bonus first: I’m embarrassed to say that I saw OBLIVION, the handsomer evil twin of AFTER EARTH, which I didn’t see because I cannot encourage the hiring of M. Night Shyamalan to make more films, even as a director-for-hire. I dislike Shyamalan, but I loathe Tom Cruise (except for in MAGNOLIA, in which he plays himself … a megalomaniacal dick). I had no reason to see this movie outside of my love for sci-fi, and wanting to look at pretty machines in high-definition. I got the pretty machines, and OBLIVION’s rather odd evocation of Joss Whedon’s crappy CABIN IN THE WOODS from last year.

SUPERMAN RETURNS: Want.

MAN OF STEEL:  Bizarrely (if you know me), I love Superman. I love him when he’s a happy-go-lucky Clark Kent and when he’s a chiseled tight-suit-wearing hottie who can freeze the surface of a lake with his breath, and then carry it on his fingertip. This is why I (and five other people, I guess) liked SUPERMAN RETURNS. But when you decide to re-reboot the franchise with Zack Snyder directing and Christopher "Batman Goes Darker" Nolan producing and co-writing, this means that 1) by the end of the first ten minutes, I have a migraine and a burnt-in afterimage on my retina that reads only the colour green, and 2) after two-and-a-half hours, I have suffered the tortures of the damned with yet another put-upon hero who’d rather brood and scowl than give me a reason to cheer him, than give

a performance, or than make me like him at all. Logic flaw #342: The U.S. government would nuke any superhero who did more damage to New York City than Osama Bin Laden just to kill three supervillains. Christopher Reeve (or Brandon Routh ... what was wrong with him?!) wouldn’t fuck up New York just to kill three stupid jerks.

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: Going down with the Enterprise.

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS: The height of my devotional viewing. Last year, this would have been PROMETHEUS, another bombastic Ridley Scott spectacular that tried to refashion a decent horror movie (ALIEN) and a better-than-decent action movie (ALIENS) into a mythical event. J.J. Abrams likes to play around with time and space (see LOST and FRINGE, ad nauseum), and he and his self-important co-writers (at least one of them also responsible for PROMETHEUS) have a deep love for the STAR TREK characters. But they have no love for the philosophy of STAR TREK, or the gee-whiz spirit of the project. The beauty of STAR TREK (the original series, at least, which Abrams and Co. are ostensibly riffing on) is that it celebrated the rewards that come through thinking through a problem. It had a bizarrely colonialist/anti-colonial stance which, more bizarrely, worked. Abrams has made two STAR TREK reboot films so far (the first one, far, far better, but not great), that throw characters we already know and love into the action ringer. This was the reason that the NEXT GENERATION films faltered, and it’s the reason that Abrams’ films become boring by the 30-minute mark. On a positive note, Abrams will be directing the new STAR WARS films, which could never be as horrendous as George Lucas' prequel trilogy (which took apart many a fanboy childhood, brick by brick). Perhaps they’ll get Zack Snyder to direct STAR TREK: BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS WITH CGI in Abrams’ wake.

Mana Ashida, one reason to watch PACIFIC RIM

PACIFIC RIM: I went to this one out of devotion to Guillermo del Toro, who got caught up in two blockbuster machines (THE HOBBIT, and his own personal dream-project, AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS), only to be sucked into a third. That would be PACIFIC RIM, which has possibly the worst script and acting of any of del Toro’s films. The presence of del Toro vets like Ron Perlman, whose character survives the film (if you stay to watch the credits), only serve to remind us that this is not HELLBOY (or even HELLBOY 2, for that matter). Two highlights here are the performances by Rinko Kikuchi as the female robo-pilot, Mako Mori, which the film’s narrative struggles to foreground (because there are macho men around), and the wonderful Mana Ashida, who plays the young Mako. Del Toro weirdness abounds, thankfully, but it cannot save this disasterpiece of TRANSFORMERS mashed up with monsters you’re never allowed to get a really good look at. Del Toro is a monster movie maker, for sure. But his presence is overwhelmed by the blockbuster machinery at work here. At least monster masters Ray Harryhausen and Ishiro Honda (Gojira), to whom del Toro’s film is dedicated, were proud enough of their monsters to give us a good look at them.

I’m not sure I can do this to myself anymore. Even going in with low expectations yields little payoff in the Hollywood of 3-D conversions and editing-so-fast-and-framing-so-close-you-missed-it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of a big-budget spectacle, but the powers-that-be need to think a bit more beyond the log-line.

Maybe I’m not quite ready to give up my blockbuster devotions. But I sure feel like I’m nearing the end of a long relationship.

Yours,

Oland